- 2 Samuel
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15
Absalom Make One Plan
1 Afta Absalom come back, he buy one war wagon an horses, an pay fifty guys fo run in front him wen he come inside da street fo erybody know az Absalom dat stay come. 2 Ery day he get up early an stan by da side a one a da roads dat go thru da gate fo go inside Jerusalem town. Weneva somebody come fo squawk bout someting wit da king an aks da king fo tell wat stay right an wat stay wrong, Absalom call out to dem befo dey reach da king, “Wat town you come from?” Dey tell him “Eh boss, I come from dis o dat ohana inside Israel.” 3 Den Absalom tell um, “Eh! Wat you squawk bout stay true an right! But no mo nobody from da king stay hea fo lissen you.” 4 Den Absalom tell, “If ony da king wen pick me fo come one judge inside da land! Den erybody dat like squawk bout someting can come by me, an I can make da right kine ting happen fo dem. But az not how stay now!”
5 An erytime somebody come nea Absalom fo go down in front him, Absalom put out his hand, take hold a dem, an kiss dem. 6 Absalom make lidat to all da Israel peopo dat come fo aks da king fo do da right kine ting fo dem. Az how he bulai da Israel peopo fo dem like him mo den dey like da king.
7 Afta four year, Absalom tell da king, “Let me go Hebron side fo do one ting dea fo Da One In Charge. I wen make one strong promise to him fo do um. 8 Da time I, yoa worka guy, wen live Geshur town, Aram side, I wen make dis strong promise: ‘Da One In Charge, if you take me back fo live Jerusalem side, I goin go down in front you an show you respeck Hebron side.’ ”
9 Da king tell him, “No let notting bodda you. I like eryting go good fo you. So, go!” So Absalom go Hebron side.
10 But Absalom sen messenjas secret kine by all da ohanas inside Israel fo tell, “Wen you guys hear da noise from da sheep horn trumpet, den tell, ‘Hebron side, Absalom wen come oua king!’ ” 11 Wen Absalom go Hebron side, two hundred guys from Jerusalem go wit him. He wen invite dem fo go wit him, fo dem go wit one good heart. But dey donno notting bout wat he plan fo do. 12 Wen Absalom make one sacrifice, he sen somebody fo go bring Ahitofel. (Ahitofel, he da guy from Giloh dat help David figga wass da bestes ting fo David do.) Absalom tell Ahitofel fo come Hebron side from his town Giloh. An so da plan Absalom make fo ovathrow da govmen come mo strong, an mo an mo peopo stay go his side.
David Run
13 One messenja guy come an tell David, “Da Israel guys wen change dea mind, an now dey like Absalom mo betta den you!”
14 David tell all da palace guys dat stay wit him inside Jerusalem, “Go come! Us gotta run, o no mo nobody from us goin get away from Absalom. Us gotta bag right now! Cuz he goin come real fas wea we stay, an throw us guys outa hea, an his guys goin kill all da peopo inside Jerusalem town wit dea swords.”
15 Da king palace guys tell um, “Us yoa worka guys. We stay ready fo do wateva you tink gotta do cuz you oua boss.”
16 Da king start fo walk wit all his palace peopo. He leave ten a his odda kine wifes fo take kea a da palace. 17 So da king start fo go wit all da army guys dat stay his side. Dey stop by da las house befo dey leave da town. 18 All his palace guys march by in front him, wit all his bodyguard guys from da Keret an Pelet peopo. All da six hundred Filisha infantry guys dat come wit him from Gat, dey march pass in front King David.
19 Da king tell Ittai, da leada fo da Gat guys, “Eh, no need fo you guys come wit us guys! Go back Jerusalem an stay wit da new king guy. Cuz you guys no come from da Israel ohana, an da peopo from yoa land no let you guys live wit dem. 20 Jalike was ony yestaday wen you guys wen come by us. So today, no need you guys come homeless an go all ova da place wit us guys! I donno wea us goin go. Go back, an take all yoa guys. Stay tight wit each odda an trus each odda!”
21 But Ittai tell da king, “Jalike fo shua Da One In Charge stay alive, an dat you, my boss da king, stay alive, I stay shua bout dis too: Wateva place you stay, my boss da king, I yoa worka guy, an I goin stay dea too, no matta I stay alive o I mahke!”
22 David tell Ittai, “Kay den! Go march in front!” So Ittai da Gat guy march wit all his army guys an dea odda ohana peopo dat stay wit him.
23 All da peopo country side stay cry loud an plenny wen all da peopo wit David go by. Da king go across da Kidron Stream, an all da peopo go da road dat bring um inside da boonies.
24 Zadok da pries guy, he stay go too, an all da Levi guys dat stay wit him carry da Box Fo No Foget Da Deal Wit God. Dey put down da Box, an Abiatar da pries guy wait dea till all da army guys pau come outa Jerusalem town. Den him an da Levi guys take da Box up da hill too.
25 But da king tell Zadok, “You an yoa guys, take da Box Fo God back inside Jerusalem town. If Da One In Charge get aloha fo me, he goin bring me back, an let me see da Box an da place wea da Box stay one mo time. 26 But if Da One In Charge tell, ‘I no stay good inside wen I tink bout you, David,’ den I stay ready fo God make to me wateva stay good, da way he see um.”
27 Da king tell Zadok da pries guy dis too: “You know wat I mean, aah? Go back inside da town wit yoa boy Ahimaaz, an Jonathan Abiatar boy, an no worry. You an Abiatar, take yoa two boys wit you guys. 28 You guys, watch wass happening. I goin wait by da place wea peopo go across da riva fo go inside da boonies. I goin stay dea till somebody come from you guys fo tell me wassup.” 29 So Zadok an Abiatar take da Box Fo God back inside Jerusalem an stay dea.
30 Same time, David, he stay go up da Olive Ridge, an stay crying wen he go. He cova his head fo show he shame an he walk barefeet. All da peopo wit him cova dea head too an stay cry wen dey go. 31 Somebody tell David, “Ahitofel, he one a da guys dat stay make one plan wit Absalom fo take ova da govmen.” So David pray to Da One In Charge, “Eh! You Da One In Charge! Wateva Ahitofel tell Absalom az good fo him do, make wat he tell come pupule, aah?!”
32 Wen David come nea da top a da Olive Ridge, wea get one place fo pray to God, get Hushai from da Ark peopo stay dea fo meet him. His clotheses stay rip fo show he sad, an he get dirt on top his head fo show he stay sad inside. 33 David tell him, “If you go da boonies wit me, you goin be jalike one extra load fo me fo carry. 34 But if you go back inside Jerusalem town an tell Absalom, ‘My king, I goin be yoa worka guy. I wen work fo yoa faddah from long time, an now I goin work fo you,’ den you goin help me an make wateva Ahitofel tell Absalom fo do, come no good, aah?! 35 An ova dea wit you, goin get da pries guys Zadok an Abiatar. Tell dem wateva you hear inside da king palace. 36 Dea two boys, Zadok boy Ahimaaz an Abiatar boy Jonathan, stay dea wit dem. You guys can sen dem by me fo tell me wateva you hear.”
37 So Hushai, da fren dat help David figga wat da bestes ting fo do befo time, he go back Jerusalem, same time Absalom go inside da big town.

- 2 Samuel
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